When everyone in India is so bored, I thought it is my duty to give you all full on entertainment. But it looks like ‘GoCorona’ was not powerful enough and I am doing only jhadu-pocha-bartan. An ancient wisdom says ‘you can take internet out of Corona, but not Corona out of internet’. So please forgive me if this lady Corona pops up in between.

To avoid getting bored while washing dishes I imagine me to be Katrina Kaif. Today morning, I was happily washing dishes and my husband came there and I gave him a smile just like Katrina does, thinking that I must be looking like her. My husband got scared and touched my forehead to check if I was alright.

Earlier I doubted if people would read my write-ups, but not now. We are bonded so well that we read the same whatsapp messages and facebook shares even the twenty seventh time, just because it came from our friends. At these testing times, we even walk an extra mile and ‘like’ the post lest we may have a feeling of infidelity that we liked the post of others and not of our friends’.

People must be hatching plans how to make best out of these 21 days and many must be wondering how to spend such a long time at home. I have no such confusion. I spend about two hours in bed in the morning listing the pros and cons of getting up early and of course, cons win. All the routine work takes up more than half a day and when I sit with my laptop to contribute to humanity with my wisdom, these mosquitoes start biting me. That reminds me that these mosquitoes like O +ve blood while Corona likes A +ve blood.

Since this lady Corona is repeatedly disturbing my write up, I am renamimg her Cotreena, a mix of Kareena and Katrina so that you remember ‘chikni chameli’ or ‘tandoori murgi’songs whenever I make reference to the communist virus.

When I was studying for my PG entrance exam after internship, one of my uncles who had come to visit us said ‘thank God, my daughter did engineering. Otherwise she too would have been hitting mosquitoes like you’. This had profound effect on me. Soochin Tendulkar said ‘people throw stones at you and you convert them into milestones.’ I got inspired by him and I improved my mosquito hitting capacity and became this legendary mosquito hitter. Though my anti- China sentiments have become all time high right now, I must admit that Chinese- made mosquito swatters are more effective and cheaper compared to Indian made Nippo swatters. After all, I am here to give you wisdom.

There are some positive outcomes of this Cotreena outbreak too. Now I know how to rag my maid as to how exactly she should be doing her job. Imagine, our almirah had to wait for Cotreena outbreak to be dusted. Only thing that bothers me is that she should not refuse to work in my house thinking that she must have come to a different house.

You all learnt how clapping and banging on the plates at the time when Revati nakshatra changed to Ashwini nakshatra on Amavasya created optimal wavelength of vibrations that scared even deadly Cotreena. It is a different thing that it wasn’t Amavasya that day but you heard two Nakshtra names at least. In a few days you will learn how these 21 days of isolation is good for you in astrological point of view. At that point you may learn a few more nakshatra names and a few rashi and graha names too.

You saw some lions roaming on the Russian roads unleashed by Putin, and though it was fake news, you saw lions nevertheless. People tasted cow urine for the first time in life though some of us have tasted it already many times in Panchagavya. Going by the taste, I would be confused if I want to drink cow urine or party with Cotreena.

As I decided to close my clinic last week, a meticulous planner that I am, I carried home four volumes of Rook’s text book of dermatology which was kept as decorative item in my clinic. Till now I have read zero pages, but I am pretty sure I will finish about 4000 pages in the next 20 days. Did you think ‘bullshit’? I heard it. It’s ok. Don’t feel jealous. Even at worst case scenario, if I read it fully, I won’t understand 50% of it and will forget remaining 50%.

For the past many months I had been talking about taking a sabbatical for a few months, whenever I went for evening walks with my husband. My only problem was that you all went ahead reading books, gaining knowledge and minting money. I wanted everyone take sabbaticals so that I don’t feel jealous. I am not all that naïve person as you all assume me to be, you know. I am always brimming with jealousy. But that is not the pressing issue. We all have become paranoid. Now that I got what I wanted, I am suspecting if my husband is a Chinese spy.